Life’s Imponderables

If you’ve been on the internet longer than six months, then you’ve probably seen lists like these cluttering in your e-mail inboxes. Still, some of these are corkers and are worth reading again.

Did you ever stop and wonder……

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why do they call it a TV “set” when you only have one?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?

Why do we say alarm clocks “go off” when they start making noise?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

If con is opposite of pro, is Congress opposite of Progress?

If money doesn’t grow on trees, why do banks have branches?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, “That hurt, you stupid idiot?”

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up every two hours?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their privates when they ask where the bathroom is?

What did people go back to before drawing boards were invented?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

When French people swear, do they say, “Pardon my English?”

Why do they put Braille dots on the keyboards of drive up ATM’s?

How did that “Keep Off the Grass” sign get there in the first place?

What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of an airplane?

Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?

Why is it that when you transport something by car it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship it’s called cargo?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on… Yes, it caught me too!

Since the doctor always says to take two aspirins, why don’t we just double their size?

Why did the Incredible Hulk’s shirt always rip but his pants never did?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?

If Superman could stop bullets with his chest, why did he always duck if the bad guy threw the gun at him?

Why is taking the skin off an animal “dressing”, but taking our clothes off “undressing”?

Don’t you have to “re-start” before refinishing a table?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

What is an occasional table the remainder of the time?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

If Snickers satisfy, why do they make King Size?

Why is a building called a building when it is already built?

Why is it called a Doctors’ Practice?

If the No. 2 pencil is so popular, why is it still No. 2?

If people say it’s the best thing since sliced bread, what was the best thing before sliced bread?

Why is there an eject button on the remote when you have to get up to get the DVD/videotape?

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash why isn’t the whole plane made out of the same stuff?

Why do you drive in a parkway but park in a driveway?

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

Is it because light travels faster than sound that some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

If one of the synchronized swimmers drowns, do they all have to?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t grow in it?

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

How can you tell when sour cream goes bad?

Where would we be without rhetorical questions?

Why is the word “abbreviation” so long?

If a dog’s sense of smell is 100 times greater than a human’s, why do they have to stick their noses up your butt?