ZestFest 2011, A Defcon Perspective
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Well, another Zest Fest is in the record books. During the show, the Blogger-In-Chief, Scott Roberts had asked me if was doing a write-up of the show. Considering I hadn't done one in a while, I figured why not. With the funny things that happened during the weekend, it could be quite humorous. So, without further adieu, I give you "Zest Fest 2011, A Defcon Perspective”.
We were looking forward to doing this show for a long time. It's our favorite show we do, and we always have a good time. This time we had booked our flights months ago, not realizing it would get very interesting as the show dates marched closer. We were to fly out on Thursday, January 27th, at 7am, Nature had other ideas planned for us. As the date drew nearer, we assembled our Pallet of Doom and shipped it off to Texas. About a week before we were to take off, a discussion of an approaching monster winter storm system came up more and more. By Monday, my concern increased, as we were supposed to get friggin' slammed again by snow, an occurrence that has been more frequent than usual this winter (I haven't seen my lawn in 2 months). Maggie contacted Continental Airlines, and we were able to move our flight back one day, to Wednesday, AT NO CHARGE! This amazed me, and I thought, "Perhaps this is a good omen of things to come”.
It is now 4:00am on Wednesday morning. We pack up the rest of our stuff for the flight, and make our way to the airport. By now, the storm was imminent, and due to start in just a few hours, with a forecasted 18-24 inches of snow and ice. Time until takeoff was crucial if we were to make it to the show at all. The airport was empty, life is good. We did the stupid human tricks at the security area, but without the personal grope or human-sized microwave, life is getting even better.
We grab some cardboard-based airport food and boarded the aircraft uneventfully. It began to dawn on me, "Wait, things are going too well. This isn't good”. My baneful premonition was to shortly become reality. We took our seats, and proceeded to watch the march of bipedal lemmings board the plane. The flight was virtually empty, maybe 50 or so on the Boeing 737, so there was plenty of room for people to move around. I myself, being the ever-chivalrous gentleman, always take the middle seat, allowing The Wife Unit solace by the window, as I deal with whatever mutant takes the aisle seat. It seemed this was not to be the case on this flight, as the seat next to me remained unoccupied, and life remained pleasant. It was mere minutes before they would secure the entrance door, and we would on our way. That's when dark forces snatched my last iota of happiness. A small trollish woman entered the coach area. In her arms was a Weapon of Mass Annoyance, a 2-year old screaming imp. Even though there was only a handful of passengers aboard, you could hear the silent collective groan.
This woman came closer. I achieved eye contact with the carrier of the Dark Imp of Pestilence, and abject dread filled my psyche. She stopped at our row, and peered at the seat next to ME! Life suddenly turned into a black spiral of dejection. I had my jacket on that seat and she looked at it, not asking me to move it, but expecting me to. I did, under extreme duress. The evil carrier of the Doomchild took the seat. Mind you, THE PLANE IS FRIGGIN' EMPTY! I looked at Maggie, and she was stifling a chuckle. I was not amused. The Hellspawn in toddler form began her morning calisthenics, which included happily kicking my left knee. I looked at the sorry excuse of an adult human who had forcefully introduced me to her loin-based reprobate. She did nothing. The Imp of Vexation proceeded to empty out the pocket on the seat in front of her, and toss the objects (Skymall magazine, barf bag, and how not to die when a plane crashes pamphlet) onto the seat in front of it. I had enough, I spotted a stewardess and flagged her down. I told her that unless this small cretin was put in the overhead storage area, I have to move to another seat because, "This ain't gonna work!”. As I stared at the imp carrier, I hope she felt the really sharp knives shooting out of my eyes.
The rest of the flight was uneventful, and life was returning to its former goodness. We arrived at DFW about a half an hour early, which is always nice. We went to pick up the checked-in bag, and to our amazement, our bag was the first one out, another good omen. We hopped the Holiday Inn shuttle and checked into our room. We found out they were allowing setup on Wednesday. This newly found knowledge was my happy pill for the day.
We headed over to the convention center, which kind of looked like a Mother Ship you'd find in a Roswell museum. The place was enormous, and the security in place rivaled that of a security force around Tienanmen Square, but in a good way. We made our way to the freight people to tell them we arrived, and our Pallet of Doom was delivered to our booth within minutes, unlike another show where we had to wait up to 4-5 hours, more then once, for the same nicety of receiving our pallet. Those of you who aren't familiar with our booth, I'll give a quick explanation. Between 12 extension cords, 6 power strips, strobe lights, laser projectors, black lights, plasma lamps, etc., setup takes a while. We began to setup around noon. A few people trickled in as time went on. We knew a few of them and exchanged greetings (and perhaps a beer or two). We were able to actually take our time setting up, a pleasure that we're not used to, so we took full advantage of it.
While setting up, our good friends from Intensity Academy showed up. These guys are some of the nicest and funniest people you're going to meet. They had an endcap booth this year, not fully knowing what they were getting themselves into (evil chuckle). Having driven to the show from Florida, they brought us some stock from Bodines, as we had gotten wiped out of stock from Superbowl orders this time around. Setup ended at 5pm on Wednesday, so we (Defcon & Intensity) retired to the hotel to get ready for dinner. We met in the lobby, and discussed what we wanted for dinner. We settled on steak, and ended up at a great steakhouse called The Keg, only a short drive from the hotel. A little pricey, but man was it good. Oh, I forgot to add, the Holiday Inn Express has a happy hour every weekday. From 5-7pm they serve FREE BEER! We didn't leave for dinner until after 7pm, of course. We joked around for a while in the lobby, and then hit the sheets.
After dinner, we hit up a Target store for some last minute supplies. You have to understand, by this time, the 4 of us were quite punchy, succumbing to a good dose of sleep deprivation. We entered the Target parking lot, and were greeted by something none of us had ever seen before, a police sub-station mounted on a construction lift. Echoes of, "What we have here, is a failure to communicate” reverberated through my head. Anyway, we headed into the Target, in quite a rowdy mood. The place was basically devoid of life, sans a light sprinkling of employee staff. The smallest things became centers of sarcastic laughter. The Target even had a booze aisle, someone we're not privy to in the Communist Republic of New Jersey. Tom (Intensity Academy) was looking for a bottle of sangria for Michelle, as she was flying in on Friday night. He spotted the, "Rich White Wines” section. I looked at Tom and stated, "Hey biotch, you sure you don't want something from the Poor White Wines section”. Well, this was a trigger point for the evening, and the laughter hit a new level of cynical volume. We also noticed, after this point, there were more and more employees in each aisle we turned down, as if we were being watched. It really was kind of funny. Not really caring about our actions, due to the lack of mental functionality, we paid for our stuff, and headed back to join up with some more characters in the lobby of the hotel. These meetings at the hotel would be standard daily protocol for the rest of the weekend. I think the FREE BEER had something to do with it.
Thursday. We awoke after a very good night of sleep. It was nice realizing our booth was 90% setup. We headed downstairs for breakfast. This is when we hit a small bump in the road. Maggie really loves the cinnamon rolls they serve for breakfast at the Holiday Inn Express, but there weren't any out for consumption. Maggie inquired within and was told they were out of them. This trend continued through Sunday, to Maggie's dismay. We made our way to the convention center, stopping for ‘refreshments' on the way. Many more manufacturers were in attendance Thursday, of course. Setup was in full gear. We had as much of our booth done as we could, awaiting a box we had mailed to the hotel, which contained integral parts of our booth backdrop, the case of ZERO Sludge (2011 Zest Fest Release, hint, hint), and assorted other stuff. We hung out and talked to vendors we hadn't seen in a while, including Simmie J, Captain Thom, Rodaks, Race City, Gunthers, Flaming Joe and Robin, Cajohn, The McCannlesses, etc. Good times were had, as we were all waiting, somewhat nervously, wondering what kind of attendance the weekend would bring. Setup was done, we hit up the FREE BEER at the Holiday Inn once again. This time, we decided to order in, and ordered from a place called Italian Crust. They delivered to the room, and I must say, considering it's delivery, it was pretty good. I enjoyed my extra cheese/anchovy pizza, and Maggie dug into the Chicken Alfredo...We then hit the sheets.
Friday. The first day of battle was upon us. You could feel the tension in the air from the vendors, as the clock struck, and the gates opened for trade buyers. There were a few that stopped by our booth with interest. It was a tad bit slow during this time. I learned later that near 40 buyers didn't show. If they were coming from the east coast, my feeling is they probably couldn't get out due to inclement weather. Cest la vie. Alabama Jack stopped by, and we discussed some quite intriguing stuff. AJ is a great guy, and I always enjoy seeing him in TX. Around 3pm, the public gates were opened, and the first onslaught of the bipedal masses set upon us. We met up with many repeat buyers from the last couple of years when the show was in Fort Worth, which was nice. Sales were pretty good, and we definitely had a good time, not having done a large show since early last year. It felt good to get back into the trade show swing. It was also nice being able to deal out the ZERO Sludge en masse. I do so enjoy someone else's pain, the more I witness the better I sleep. A number of newspaper reporters were also in attendance, and like moths to a blacklight, they came to talk about us and the show for their news article. It was only 4 hours of public time on Friday, so the day went pretty quick. As the show closed, the Keepers of the Flames (manufacturers) ascended to the top floor for the annual Fiery Foods Challenge results, and the handing out of the coveted Golden Chile Awards.
The Warriors of Heat gathered in the Great Hall not unlike hungry Vikings prepared to share the spoils of war. Before the awards ceremony began, there was time to imbibe and consume the annual free fare and drink. Many a FREE BEER was had, and life was good. In addition to the free breakfasts and free lunches, the awards ceremony food was good, and the drink included many top shelf liquors, to many people's enjoyment. Lots of laughter and carousing was going on, but you could still feel the electricity of tension, as everyone wondered if they would take home the trophy of trophies this year. The live entertainment ended, and the emcee came to the mic. You could hear a pin drop as the first categories were read. That's one very cool thing about this industry, everyone pretty much supports everyone else. It's a camaraderie that helps the industry as a whole grow. Not to mention a vast majority of manufacturers drink beer, which makes for quite funny late night conversation.
As the Golden Chiles were handed out, the number of smiles in the room grew. It was nice to see brand new companies win, as well as some old favorites. We took a Golden Chile again, as well as a 2nd place, so we were happy. Tables got rowdy (of course not ours, perish the thought) and many toasts were conducted. Afterwards, we regrouped at the Holiday Inn for a few well-deserved libations. It was then, that an interesting event was evolving. A couple of the judges approached me and asked me if I could scare the Hell out of a couple 16-year olds. Well, dressed in Creator garb, I was more than happy to oblige. I pounded on the door, the evil instigator inside opened the door, and I stormed in, in full Creator glory. Let's just say, one of the girls had to change her undergarments, and the other found her happy place while placing a garbage can over her head. My job was complete. We finished up downstairs, and hit the sheets.
Saturday. Yesterday was the battle, today is the war. We manned the Defcon Compound and awaited the assault of humanoid mass. I went out to have a quick cigarette before the show started, and the numbers waiting in line seemed a bit light. Nonetheless, whilst enjoying my tobacco stick, a couple of young guys yelled out to me, "Hey, that's the dude!". Having grown up for many years in New Jersey, these aren't always the best words to hear when they are directed at you. They approached and stated they had seen me on TV. I asked them if it was for the Travel Channel, but they said no, one saw us on The Food Network and the other on the History Channel. This was new to me, as I wasn't aware of either broadcast, and I'm now in the process of getting the episodes, very cool.
I returned to my post, and awaited the onslaught. At first, the crowd was a tad light. For a few minutes I became a little worried. But the crowds did not disappoint, the wave assault started, and it was near impossible to get out of our booth. One thing I like about this show is that a majority of the people buy stuff, they don't just roam around in a never-ending grazing session. Being a die-hard Pittsburgh Steelers fan, I had my Terrible Towel handy for the weekend. It was a ton of fun rat-tailing Packers fans as they walked by, and then roping them into the booth and either getting them to buy some wing sauce, or sucker them into trying some ZERO Sludge. Sometimes, I truly amaze myself, lol! Maggie was having a ball talking to attendees, who, overall, were amazingly courteous and just overall nice. It takes a little getting used to being from NJ and all. We did very well on Saturday, nearly selling out of a few products. Life once again is good. The show staff did a great job helping the vendors with whatever they needed, and the maintenance crew was outstanding. After the show, we joined up again with our buds from Intensity Academy, and headed out to find another steakhouse. We stumbled on the Saltgrass. They place was great, and we thoroughly enjoyed busting on the waiter, as he gave it right back to us. We walked out stuffed, and were all on the edge of falling into a food coma. We went back to the hotel and basically crashed.
Sunday. The day of the Final Skirmish. We had awoken nice and early on Sunday, and casually hung around the hotel room. We hadn't had a nice slow morning since we arrived and were just enjoying a bit of calm. Well, the solace was shattered by a call from Tom at Intensity Academy. He asked where we were, as he was already at the show. We told him we'd be there in about an hour. We thought the show started at 11am, whoops, wrong answer, it started at 10am, and it was 9:50. Well, so much for relaxation. We arrived as the doors opened, and were a bit late setting everything up. It ended up not being a big deal, and we set out to sell the booth out. We started running a few deals, and the products started leaving rapidly. Again, the people were overly nice, and made our final day at the show very pleasurable. The customers hung out until the very end of the show, and kept buying even after it was over.
We proceeded to breakdown after the show. As usual, we were virtually the last ones out of the hall. June DeRousse was hanging out as was quite amazed at our teamwork when it comes to building a pallet. We ended up hanging out in the hotel lobby, June's hubby supplied us with nice big beers, and we discussed the weekend. In speaking with many vendors over the course of the weekend, there seemed an overall good feeling about the show. Considering it was a new venue, you never know what's going to happen. I think it will be a lot bigger next year. The Zest Fest staff did an awesome job making everyone feel comfortable, and the security was better than expected. The convention center itself is very nicely laid out, not to mention huge. Even the freight company was on the ball, something I'm certainly not used to at other shows. All in all we had a great time. With myself and Maggie working regular day jobs, these shows are our vacations, so we pretty much make them fun.
There were many funny moments I didn't go into, like us and Intensity Academy strolling, quite loudly, through Target, catching the attention of virtually the whole store, and other capers, but I think you get a pretty good idea of the show itself. We're looking forward to next year already. And as a parting phrase:
"Short skirt, no hose!"...
Comments
2011-02-05 11:18:33
2011-02-05 15:54:13
Freaking hilarious! Nice write-up John. I wish I could have been there this year.
2011-02-23 12:54:35
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